On holiday

It was supposed to be fun.

Good.

Happy.

Family time.

We needed it.

Instead, I’ve spent the weekend in meltdown.

So very sad.

Being in a place where I’ve always been so happy has made me realise how far from happy I am now.

And I’m scared.

I want to feel happy again. Laugh, smile, giggle, feel light. 

What if I don’t? What if I can’t? 

I can fake it with the kids. To a degree. 

But I hurt. I really hurt. 

I feel lonely. Frightened. Both.

I don’t want to do this any more.